Emotional Regulation

This part of the SCERTS® Model is so very important as if we are not emotionally regulated then we (as in all people) are unable to perform and learn at the best of our abilities. 

 

The authors of the SCERTS® Model define Emotional Regulation as “the development of the ability to maintain a well-regulated emotional state to cope with everyday stress, and to be most available for learning and interacting.” 

 

At KidSpeak we break Emotional Regulation down into 7 parts:

 

  • Understanding and Expressing Emotions/Feelings

    • Having the skills to understand your feelings when you are feeling them and then express them in an expected way, is a lot easier said than done.  In order to display this skill to its fullest we have to be understand different emotions, understand that we may feel different emotions at the same time, that our emotions can change throughout the day, that there are no “bad/wrong/negative” emotions, that all emotions are okay, what can we say – do – think when we feel an emotion, what are the differences between emotions, and so much more!  When our kids are little we start with happy, excited, mad, sad, hungry, thirsty, and sleepy and then build up to frustrated, disappointed, confused, boring, silly, calm, okay, anxious, nervous, worried and more. There are so many ways we work on our emotions from emotion visuals, emotion charts, emotion check ins, emotion books, emotion games, emotion thermometer and more. 

 

  • Understanding Arousal Levels

    • The next part of Emotional Regulation is understanding our arousal levels.  We all have an “optimal arousal level” where we do our best. “Optimal” does not mean calm, sitting perfectly still, not moving, etc.  Everyone’s “optimal level” looks a little different because everyone’s natural arousal level looks different. Naturally some of us have a more “high arousal level”; others have a “low arousal level” and others may even constantly bounce back and forth between “high and low” throughout the day.  To make things even harder some of us have arousal levels in our bodies that match our brains while others may be different such as their body may be low but their brain may be high (i.e.: constantly thinking) or vise versa.  Different things that happen throughout the day affect our arousal levels increasing and decreasing it such as: traffic, electronics not working, getting compliments, wearing your favorite outfit, and more.  Throughout our day our bodies and our brains are trying to naturally regulate themselves by the best they can: taking a longer/quicker shower, turning the radio up/down, drinking more/less coffee and more.  The more you understand your arousal level the more you know how to help yourself stay “optimal” throughout the day when things are going great and when things are hard. This is SO VERY important for our kids.  If they are always “high”, “low” or “bouncing back and forth” then they are not able to take in what we are trying to teach them nor can they fully show what they know.

 

  • Naturally Scheduling Activities to Help Arousal Levels

    • Once you know a person’s natural arousal level the next step is to learn what helps bring you up when you are “low”, what helps bring you down when you are “high” and what helps you stay “optimal” when you are optimal.  Utilizing the transactional supports that help you the most is the first way to help bring you down, up or keep you optimal such as: visual schedules, creating and utilizing routines, visual supports, using a core vocabulary and more.  The second way is to know what you love and use what you love to help. For example, if a kid/teen loves basketball then we may start our session with basketball, have a basketball theme, have a basketball talk time, create a basketball game and more.  The next way is to use your schedule to help you by scheduling practice sensory and/or regulating activities throughout your day learning what helps them, what do they like, what do they not like and more such as: taking quiet breaks, doing word games, coloring, listening to music, and more.  The last way is for us to be flexible when we can.  For example, one year we had a group of pre-teen boys that if we started group with drawing/coloring each session every person reached an optimal level and stayed optimal throughout allowing us to work on some many different skills; however, if we did our original plan which was trying different activities each week to work on learning what helps our bodies/brain then all our kids had different arousal levels and they were unable to work on their goals together.  So we made a change and then worked on our original plan the next summer semester when we had more time in group to further explore our arousal levels at a deeper level.

 

  • Frustration Tolerance

    • The next step is understanding your frustration tolerance.  Frustration tolerance is the ability to overcome obstacles and be “okay” when stressful events occur.  Many of our kids/teens become dysregulated when changes occur to their expectations (i.e.: things don’t go the way they planned/wanted/thought); when something is hard; when they think something may be hard and more.  If someone has a “Low Frustration Tolerance” this means that they may become dysregulated often and/or they become dysregulated fast.   Someone’s frustration tolerance can change: semester to semester, week to week, day to day, and even hour to hour.  Understanding our kids/teens frustration tolerance allows us to know how much support they need and when.  For example, if a child has become upset three times during “morning play/work” then they are more likely to become upset more often and/or faster which means we need to provide them with more of the transactional supports that help them and change our goal for each activity from “hard” to “easier” such as “doing work independently” to “doing work with X supports” because two hard things will lead to a bigger dysregulation (i.e.: working independently is hard and remaining emotionally regulating is hard then the goal changes to doing work with X supports while remaining emotionally regulated with X supports).

 

  • Dysregulation

    • The next step is understanding Dysregulation: what makes your child feel dysregulated, what do they do when they are dysregulated, helping them regulate and then creating supports to help later.  A lot of our kids/teens become dysregulated when changes occur to their expectations (i.e.: things don’t go the way they planned/wanted/thought); when something is hard/or might be hard; when they experience a breakdown in their understanding and more.  Next what do they say and/or do when they are dysregulated.  Some of our kids scream, yell, hit, scratch, refuse to play/do work, protest “no”, and more.  Most of the time our kids are doing this because they are experiencing such high emotions they don’t know what else to say or do.   Next is how do we help them regulate.  Some kids need co-regulation while others need self-regulation.  Some need physical space while others need physical closeness.  Some need to be active (i.e: color, move around, etc) while others need to be still.  But the one thing that all of our kids/teens have always had in common is that they need us to be quiet.  The more we talk the more they become dysregulated.  Once our kids are regulated we can then focus on helping them understand their feelings, the situation and create a plan on how to help them next time.  Remember the goal is not for them to “not become dysregulated” but rather for us to anticipate when they will become dysregulated and provide them with the transactional supports they need to walk through a plan on how to regulate their bodies and brain when they feel frustrated, mad, angry, confused, hurt, sad, disappointed, lonely, silly, excited, etc.

 

  • Responding and Initiating to Supports

    • Providing our kids/teens with options on responding and initiating to different emotionally regulating transactional supports is so very important.  One of the hardest things about this part is that as our kids grow this changes; therefore, it is a constantly a process of us and them learning about them and their bodies and brains as well as providing new supports as they change and grow.  We do this in a number of ways from practicing different supports/activities when they are at an “optimal arousal level” as well as using different supports/activities when they are “low”, “high” and/or dysregulated.  These supports can vary from: using sensory fidget tools, using weighted items, using sensory cushions, practicing different types of breaks, learning how to schedule their day to help them, anticipating their dysregulation moments, practicing deep breathing, learning yoga, learning how to meditate, learning how to journal, and more.     

 

  • Self-Awareness and Advocating for Themselves

    • As our kids grow in age and in their skill level the big goal is to increase their self-awareness of their emotional regulation skills: their emotions, their arousal level, their frustration tolerance, the supports that help them the best, and more.  Next the goal is for them to learn how to advocate for themselves.  Typically advocation is easier in their most familiar environment and with their most familiar (trusted) people – the goal is to start this with the people they trust the most and then being with new environments and/or new people. 

 

A few important things to note are:

1)     Emotional Regulation Patterns:  Most kids have emotional regulation patterns.  Some kids have more difficulty at the beginning of a new school year while others have it at the end.  Some kids have more difficulty around holiday breaks while others do not. If you are unsure of your child’s patterns then use a calendar to help you note these moments and find the pattern.

2)     Easter Week and Halloween Week:  Both of these weeks tend to be a more difficult emotional regulation week for all kids.

3)     Week 3 or 4 of a semester:  Typically week 3 or week 4 of a new semester is a more difficult emotional regulation week for all kids.

4)     December and May:  These two months tend to be a more difficult emotional regulation month for all kids.

5)     Emotional Regulation Roller Coaster:  Emotional Regulation and Emotional Regulation Progress is a “roller coaster”.  Dysregulation moments will go up and down as your child grows in their emotional regulation skills and other skills. It is very common once our kids have a nice foundation of skills that they may have weeks/months/years of very minimal dysregulation and then have a few days/weeks/months/semester of more dysregulation.  This will feel like a “regression” BUT it is NOT.  It is because of the progress they have made.  In these moments – go back to what was working!  This is another reason why participating in consistent therapy with a speech and language therapist or counselor that specializes in emotional regulation is so very important.

 

If you would like to discuss Emotional Regulation in more length, how it relates to your child and how we as a team can help your child with this process please feel free to contact your KidSpeak, LLC therapist to set up a time to discuss this at an additional charge. 

If you would like to learn more about the SCERTS® Model and Social Communication please visit www.SCERTS.com, www.barryprizant.com, www.commxroads.com, or www.amy-laurent.com.